Every week I tweet a bad logline. Hopefully, they make you chuckle, but I doubt they’d actually make good movies.  Here are loglines to scripts I’ve actually written.  Synopses and full scripts are available on request.

Timeshare (working title): On his deathbed, a bureaucrat learns he can reclaim wasted time from the people who stole it.

Garnish with Death and Serve Warm: Deep down inside, Brook knows her mother-in-law is out to get her. But when she learns her nemesis might actually be a serial killer, she starts to feel vindicated. Now she just has to prove it before she’s the next victim…

State of Mind (1/2 hr TV): This surreal comedy follows the MOD squad of fuck-ups working for the Department of Transportation Mail Center. Robert O’Neill, a blacklisted bank COO, is relegated to this purgatory as he tries to remake his life.  In addition to losing his fortune, friends, and self respect, Rob has lost control of his own voiceover.

In the pilot episode, Rob identifies the man who’s narrating his life while the Mail Center debates how to spend their $18,000 surplus budget.

Killer Cardboard Box: This horror/comedy is the perfect low-budget, creature feature package. A paranoid alcoholic is the only person crazy enough to save his neighborhood from the horrors of Pandora’s ancient, man eating cardboard box.