Every week I tweet a bad logline. Hopefully, they make you chuckle, but I doubt they’d actually make good movies.  Here are loglines to scripts I’ve actually written.  Synopses and full scripts are available on request.

Shelter in Place: When terrorists attack a county courthouse, a jury is trapped with the man they just convicted. But he may be the only person ruthless enough to get them out of the building alive.

Out of Time: A parking meter enforcement officer magically gets the ability to freeze time. When it comes to raising a family, however, quality time is more important than all the time in the world.

Season to Death: Deep down inside, Brook knows her mother-in-law is out to get her. And when she learns her nemesis might actually be a serial killer, she starts to feel vindicated. Now she just has to prove it before she’s the next victim…

State of Mind (1/2 hr TV): This surreal comedy follows the MOD squad of fuck-ups working for the Department of Transportation Mail Center. Robert O’Neill, a blacklisted bank COO, is relegated to this purgatory as he tries to remake his life.  In addition to losing his fortune, friends, and self respect, Rob has lost control of his own voiceover.

In the pilot episode, Rob identifies the man who’s narrating his life while the Mail Center debates how to spend their $18,000 surplus budget.

Killer Cardboard Box: This horror/comedy is the perfect low-budget, creature feature package. A paranoid alcoholic is the only person crazy enough to save his neighborhood from the horrors of Pandora’s ancient, man eating cardboard box.